From Crunk to Currumbin, a Gold Coast Caper!

Last weekend started a little early for me when I drove down the to the Gold Coast on Valentine's Day with one of my best mates to see Lil Jon perform at Love nightclub.  Nothing celebrates the ‘Day of Love’ like ABC shots, surrounded with the plastic glitterati of the Gold Coast nightlife and a seedy rapper with diamonds on his teeth telling you to ‘pop yo pussy, YEEAAagghhh’.  Needless to say it was fantastic!

We were greeted with a glowing red battery powered heart each on arrival at Love nightclub, and an exotic looking fan that said ‘F*ck it’s Hot’ printed elegantly on the front.  There was no escaping that we were in the best that Broadbeach has to offer on a Thursday night. For those that don’t know Broadbeach is like Surfer’s Paradise’s little cousin, it could turn out trashy with some unfortunate tattoo’s but we’re still waiting to see if the bad kids in school influence its long term potential. 

Is this not the epitome of a V Day Instagram winner? Romance eat ya heart out!

Beautiful and practical because that be how 'bitchez' roll.

The venue was intimate and had some cool light displays already going on the walls and ceilings not to mention an LED sign above the DJ Booth where Lil Jon was to later greet the throngs of scantily clad women that said ‘Let’s get F*cking Lose’.  I was impressed it was censored and spelled correctly, an exercise in etiquette and English! 

After debating whether the drinks would be cheaper at the strippers, and considering it as a valid option (good music, short queues), we remembered a cover charge usually enters into the equation, so instead wandered across the road to a lively little bar with karaoke and middle age women having the time of their life. This was where the ABC Shots began, or as Lil Jon would say, we started to get CRUNK! This apparently is a scientific metamorphosis phase before you get outta your mind white boy wasted. Rhodes Scholars (and mums) say you shouldn’t mix drinks….well this mix does all the damage packaged neatly into one shot of Absinthe, Bacardi 151 and Chartreuse for the time poor alcoholic. 

Couple of these bad boys mixed with some chasers, and the addition of a lovely chic bumming smokes and drugged to the eyeballs on apparently only ‘two beers’ and we were back in Love. Minus the druggie she wasn’t let in by the bouncers…shaaaame!

Not too long after our re-entrance Lil Jon came out to a packed club and worked his magic with his lyrical genius including classic catch phrases *yyyeeeeeaaarhhh* *ohhhhhkkkaayyy* ‘we gonna get Crunk TONIGHT!’ It was pure heaven, bless our wigger hearts. I’m pretty sure I was dancing and krumping just like Beyonce, and definitely not wildly drunk standing on other chics feet and elbowing through the crowd to take the below photos of Lil Jon. That wouldn’t of been very lady like of me!

*yeeeaaaaarrghhh*

'Lil Jon I give my heart to thee' said about 200 women.

Look ma, no hands!

Next day was a perfect hangover cure of Eggs Benedict and mini golf. Naturally we took the advanced course, complete with motorised challenges.  We were warned by the attendant that is was the MOST challenging course. I looked at the group of kids reaching for putters and the mum, dad and baby heading off in that direction and assured her we would survive; besides everyone knows your hand eye coordination after a night drinking is a-mazing.  No wait that’s when you’re in the zone. Ah well. 

Only on the Gold Coast does the mini golf course have a statue of Pinocchio looking like he’s giving a lap dance in an exotic club! In one of my totally planned and masterful shots I had to putt my ball out right from underneath Humpty Dumpty’s ass, like the hung-over pro that I was, I managed to take the shot with ‘minimal’ joking and land it in an even worse place then underneath Humpty’s derriere.  A perfect way to nurture a hangover into some submission, even if the family behind caught up to us and I think their eight year old son may have been better than me! (I’m pretty sure I could beat him in a competitive game of scissor, paper rock).

Pinocchio exotic dance style

Getting cosy with Humpty's ass..we were cheek to cheek!

 On Saturday after a night of drinking with my mate’s dad and introducing him to the game of kings we headed for Currumbin Beach to cleanse our souls (filled with some alcoholic remorse, but mostly a hankering for fried goodness).  The weather was eclectic and moody with light spots of rain starting to rejuvenate our heads. 

We detoured for breakfast to the Elephant Rock Café  which despite the long wait delivered one of the best café made strawberry smoothies I have had in my life and a surprisingly delicious and filling ‘scrambled tofu’ dish for me.  Yes, it’s true I eat tofu, I’m not sure if there’s a support group I should join, but we do walk amongst you and we don’t all look like unshaven hippies.  I have been ‘selectively’ vegetarian on and off for nearly 14 years and always rejected the stuff till I read that it was good for my blood type apparently and started putting it into my cooking and lunches.  I have been an addict for about 3 months now, I think it’s too late, I’ll just have to learn to live with the condition best I can, please don’t tell me family, I’ll break it to them.  One day.

After a filling breakie we climbed the real Elephant Rock, which is situated next to the Currumbin Surf Club and provides awesome views at the top over-looking the beach and menacing storm on the distant skyline, as well as extra views for the lucky person behind you as you climb up the stairs in a skirt!

Views to the sunny side from Elephant Rock

Currumbin beach

We decided it was time to hit the beach! It was still overcast, but that kind of exciting weather where it keeps changing with a light breeze and tantalising glimpses of blue sky. It was awesome to actually lie on the beach in the middle of the day and not feel like you are melting in a pool of sunscreen into the sand. After letting breakfast settle in our tums we braved the ominous looking surf.  My mate went charging into the waves like spider man at a Lycra sale, however I took my time to acclimatise to the brisk temperature of the water. Yep I was soft. However once I finally dived in it was heaven.  

Perfect weather for chilling on the beach in comfort

The waves were surprisingly un-dumpy further out, and there was a channel that you could chill in between waves breaking, or body surf your way into some more action packed face palming waves closer to shore like some my mate managed to land in. The water temperature became perfect and I could have stayed there for hours entertaining the childish excitement of seeing a wave build and get really big before diving underneath it and watching the bottom of it swirling and bossing around the sea floor.

From sleaziness to surf, and crunking to Currumbin it had been a fantastic couple of days down on the Coast, fulfilling a need for man-made delights in the flickering lights of a semi-sinful Broadbeach to café chilling and swims on the beach.  There’s always mischief to be had on the Gold Coast, which is bound to awaken some senses even when it isn’t so golden!